The Bat
by mohawk elf
Summary: A Parody of The Raven by Dulcinea. Purely silly.
1. Prologue Father

A/N: I'm doing a parody of a stupid story I found here by _Dulcinea_ called The Raven. Look it up for a laugh.  
  
*******Start Idiocy*  
  
***** A/N- Hey every1 so like check out my other story because I'm like soooo cool! I made my own race called the Dream Elves. Aint I smart!?  
  
*$* The Bat *$*  
  
My father was like sooo mean and he was leaving me under a bush! He was tall and beautiful with long brown hair and little dots under his eyes. I asked him to wash his face cuz he had dirt on it but he was all mad that I thought he was dirty and said I had them too and stuff. So like, he gave me a little trinket and told me to look both ways before crossing a street before leaving. I was soo mad, and it was gnarly how I was supposed to get around in my dress in the forest!  
  
Madula oblonggata m'fries supersizia! (My heart will like break into a million pieces until I see your hot little ass again) he said as he disapeared.  
  
Lle dumbasswhyn (Why are you leaving you bastard! Mamma told me you was mah daddy!) I whispered.  
  
So I stayed under the bush and like I noticed only after he left that something might have used the bush as it's toilet and I had poop on the hem of my dress. That is where I stayed until someone found me. I was only ten at the time.


	2. Growing up

A/N: I'm doing a parody of a stupid story I found here by _Dulcinea_ called The Raven. Look it up for a laugh.  
  
*******Start Idiocy*  
  
Growing up was like so sucky because everyone would just like keel over and die. I mean, I stayed my perfect self, with my clotted blood red hair and clear emerald eyes and stuff. They even have golden flecks because I am so like awesome! I hjad those dirt lookin dots under my eyes but with a little eye liner and eye shadow, those got covered right up likety split. So like... what was I saying?  
  
Oh yeah, I am a really _deep_ person so when everyone I know dies I feel really really really bad and stuff. I mean, I wish they were like me because after I turned twenty, I didn't even age anymore. I liked right on through the 1900s and 200s (A/N: WTF!?) but don't ask me ahy, cause even though I live in something like modern earth I've NEVER like heard of elves and stuff, or anything like it so I'll assume I'm the only person like myself, which is cool because I understand me and if I didn't understand me I'd be weird.  
  
So like anyway, I got sent off to college because no one wondered why I was outliving everyone else, so the most likely thing was to send me off to college. I think they were trying to get rid of me... Don't ask me why but like people don't understand me at all, even down to my piercings and my bat tattoo. And i wanted to just go to college because I was tired of everyone always licking their fingers and trying to rub my dots off!  
  
Like, LOSER!


	3. Senior year of College

A/N: I'm doing a parody of a stupid story I found here by _Dulcinea_ called The Raven. Look it up for a laugh.  
  
*******Start Idiocy*  
  
Senior Year of College W00t!  
  
My 21st birthday was coming up, and boy was I excited. I didn't get anything last year but this year I had my heart set on those cool nike snowshoes. I like to think I'm something of a trendsetter, after all, and those snowshoes are just so cool. Anyway, I have no friends so I just sit and talk to my sneakers, so if I get the snowshoes from a nonexistent friend I can have a real tea party! I sighed and plopped like poop onto my bed, and I feel asleep quickly, thanks to the cocktail of crack and weed!  
  
~dream~  
Once again I was in the form of a rodent. A Bat to be exact. I was flying over a group of people. Two I saw were dirty looking guys but the rest I had no idea about. because in my modern life I've never seen anything like a hobbit or Elf, so I was like all gabberflasted. So my bat sense was tingling and before I knew it, I let out a turd on one of the dudes below. Every now and then one of the as I liked to call them would look up into the sky and it was just as he tilted his face up that my turd poked him in the eye.   
  
Mordor curse you! he wailed and I flew away before he could shoot me with his arrow.  
~end dream~


	4. Fellowship and a Stranger

A/N: I'm doing a parody of a stupid story I found here by _Dulcinea_ called The Raven. Look it up for a laugh.  
  
*******Start Idiocy*  
  
Fellowship and a stranger  
  
Every night I would have those damned creepy dreams of the guys on their way to Mordor. It didn't sound like a fun place. Maybe if they called it Mordorland or something... The wonderful wacky world or Mordorland? Anyhoo, so I had no clue why these dudes were on their quest... mission... thing but let me tell you, it was great spying on them. After I pooped on the bow and arrow guy he kept an eye out for me, but I managed to get pretty close withouth him seeing me. Heh, I'm sooo cool.  
  
I caught one of the dirty humans bathing and he was all singing in a pond about his horn, but one of the midget dudes chased me away. I think he wanted to see what fried bat tasted like.  
  
So anyway, I got to know them all and saw where they lived and stuff, and I really thought they were cool. Then again, when you don't have any friends and you smell like cheese people don't really like you. But anyway i felt like I belonged with them, because even though they couldn't see me, this is the first time in my life that i was so close to a guy without being decked and laughed at.  
  
I pulled my damp hair into a know on the top of my head and crossed the room to the widow (A/N: She really misspelled window'.) The moon was bright as a glowstick. I touched the mini dream catcher around my neck, disregarding the fact that dream catchers were made by native americans and there is no plausible way my father could've gotten his hands on one to give it to me. So like, I missed him so much.  
  
I heard the door open and my roomate Julie stormed in, not bothering to close to door behind her fat ass.  
  
Hey bitch, nice pajamas! she sneered.  
  
Leave me alone! I whinged.  
  
Julie put on her night gown. Kill yourself, geek!  
  
~dream~  
Whoa, How'd I get this edress. Wow. Oops, I can't get the zipper... up... [grunt, pant] So like I'm walking in the forest by the campus and see a river. But being as the river is by campus it's got all toilet paper in it and beer bottles. Man it smells like pee.  
Suddenly this dude comes out of the bushes sipping up his weird pants. He looked confused until he sees me.  
Hey you sexy thang! he says as he stumbled closer.  
  
Damn he was hot but I left my breathmints at home and I was having a vomity taste in my mouth so I was out like a bat out of hell. I'm sooo cool!  
~end dream~


End file.
